This is blog post has been a long time in the making. I started this blog to share our journey of adoption with you. That journey has been full of twists and turns but none quite as sharp as the last. I almost closed this blog recently when being transparent got a little harder than I had anticipated. Then, a few of you came with your encouraging words and told me it had blessed you in some way. What can I say? I am a sucker for that. I wear my heart on my sleeve in hopes that if I share my life you might see glimpses of Christ in it. So the following is the raw, honest truth of where we are walking these days. I’m writing because it’s about the journey, not the destination. And if you have discovered, like me, that the journey doesn’t always look the way you planned then I will share a secret with you.
Through thick and thin, He reigns.
When Brian got out of the military he began working with a friend and he planned to become a business partner down the road. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out like they had hoped for reasons beyond either’s control so Brian started looking for another job. For this reason, we decided it was obviously best to put the adoption on hold until he got settled in a more permanent position. Being in limbo is never fun (to put it mildly). I pretty much hate everything about it.
But I can share with you some things I have learned:
1. God provides for His children. It doesn’t matter if you see how He is going to do it- He will.
2. Stability is overrated. No, really. Depending on God is the only way to be sure that you can.
3. Its not as scary as I thought it would be.
4. My husband is the world’s best handyman.
5. He is the world’s best handyman because God equipped Him before he even knew he would use those skills to support his family.
6. Mature Christians can make plans together and if it doesn’t work out- still be like family. This is good to know, because like it or not, we ARE family.
7. God cares about the details. Every stinkin one.
8. You can’t live by emotions because they are fickle, but I recommend laughing both loud and often.
9. God made Brian and I for each other and the purposes He had for us. When we seek God, hard times only bring us closer. This makes me happy. Satan must be pretty ticked off by now. :)
10. Not knowing what the future holds means I am not the one in control. This is a very good thing.
This is not what I thought 2011 would hold. Maybe yours isn’t shaping up to be exactly what you had in mind either, and that’s ok. I hesitate to call this a “trial” because I have been through trials before and this doesn’t compare. I will say this though, these circumstances, though not what I would have chosen may be God’s greatest mercy toward us.
Why do I say that?
This is why we are here folks. Its to be in a relationship with our Maker, to let Him do with us as He pleases, To know Him. To learn to trust Him, to learn to walk with Him. It isn’t about our plans. Its about learning to join Him in His.
Do I still think we will adopt? Absolutely. In fact, throughout the last few months and many pay cuts we haven’t even had to touch our “orphan ransom” that we set aside for the adoption. That’s God, folks. We couldn’t do that on our own. In fact, if you gave me pen and paper I couldn’t explain it. So this is where we are walking.
Its scary, yet exciting. Its outside the status quo and unknown but its not outside God’s will. It takes a lot of focusing on Him just to keep a right attitude. So I give Jesus my frustrations, worries, and bad attitude and He gives me grace and laughter. I don’t know guys, this is looking like exactly what we asked for. I don’t know what the future holds but I can promise you this- when we look back on how things worked out it won’t be because we manipulated circumstances or made our own path.
And it feels a little raw to let you see inside our lives like this, but what have I got to prove to anyone? Its all loss except for this one thing- that I tell you about this Christ. I hope you know Him. I hope you can nod your head and agree that He is trustworthy and dependable because you have been there and seen that its true. And whether you can or not I pray that when we look back in a few weeks, or months, or years you will be able to agree with us on at least one point.
“Oh great and mighty One,
With one desire we come,
That you would reign,
That you would reign in us” – Starfield
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your paths straight.” –Proverbs 3:5-6