Sunday, July 11, 2010

Never settle

“Sometimes I want to ask God why He allows poverty and suffering in the world but I am afraid He might ask me the same question.” – Anonymous

There is something about witnessing miracles when God does something in the world around you. Even greater still, is when God does something within you that others can’t even see.
Lately I can get up and look in the mirror and not really recognize the person staring back at me. A few short months ago I was in hot pursuit of “comfortable”. Brian had finally decided he was definitely getting out of the military and I can’t tell you the relief this brought. I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about his safety anymore, relieved that I wouldn’t have to raise our children alone for a year at a time, and relieved that none of us would feel the pangs of loneliness the way we had grown so accustomed to. But there was that part of me that was relieved for a very different reason. I didn’t want to move. I felt I had “served my time” and I wanted comfortable for a change. I wanted to settle down. In hindsight, I think I was walking a dangerous line where settling down was becoming the desire of my heart and would have caused me to settle for much less than God had planned.

I don’t even know when the change happened. If it is true that wherever your money is going your heart is sure to follow, then paying for the adoption might explain the growing love for Africa and these people with such deep needs. Or maybe it was when I determined to read biographies of other Christians and fill my head with something better than the television had to offer. I’m not sure. I was reading one of those books called “Ashes to Africa” (which I totally recommend) and Amy Bottomly was describing the difference between her “rated ‘R’ self” and her “rated ‘G’ self”. That was so interesting to me. Yes, no matter how transparent we are we have this side of us that others don’t see; something darker than we would want others to know about. For me that was selfishness. It was a desire that really was about wanting to take a few years to let life be about me and my family. Today things are more in order. My heart’s desire is really God’s presence; seeing Him at work and letting Him work through me. I went from not wanting to travel to Ethiopia to wondering how long I can stay and what I could possibly accomplish while I am there. I don’t think anyone could appreciate this difference but me. Only I knew the depth of my selfishness before, and only I know how my heart feels like it will burst open and hemorrhage if I can’t be among these orphans and reach them in some small way. This is the nature of Christ. We see miraculous things around us in the world all the time. But the ability to change a person’s heart… to change them at the core of their being; there is no other who can accomplish such a thing. My friends, as I type this tonight I pray for you reading this that God will steal your insecurities and your fears. I pray He will set your hearts ablaze with an all consuming fire to know Him and experience Him like never before. Gandhi is often quoted as saying “be the change you want to see in the world” but I’m asking what would happen if you determined to be the change God wants to see in the world? I am praying for revival tonight. Furthermore I am praying that you would determine to let it start inside your very own heart.

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