Darkness and Light

Our ears almost ache for something to move us. Even as Christians we can find ourselves praying for God to rekindle the fire that use to burn passionately for Him. We say “Jesus is the Reason for the season” and try to force our focus back on Christ despite the shallowness that bombards us daily. 

Every year I resolve not to spend all my energy on presents and parties. I vow to create memories and deepen traditions while my children are still little. Yet somehow I still feel desperate to show them more. Why? Because they are growing too fast and there is so much I want to say to them about Christmas. Just a few short years away real life is waiting for them and I know what kind of harsh surprises time may have up its sleeve.

The 3 "littlest". Even they won't be little very long. 

I would like to believe that if I looked into my children's future they would be in warm houses with picket fences, have happy marriages, and lots of healthy children. I would hope their biggest worry would be what to serve for Christmas dinner. 

Yet, all around me I am confronted with reality. We are beyond blessed, yet I find my heart heavy as I offer up prayers for people I care for deeply. 

Honest Christians who need jobs, 

loving mothers who await test results; 

faithful friends who mourn the loss of those that can never be replaced. 

I see parents fighting to make an orphan legally their own only to have their intentions questioned. I mean, who could possible love a child with HIV?  (insert eye roll) 

I see other families battling to be reunited with children that God knit into their hearts- desperately praying for God to keep them safe in the meantime.

I see wives fighting to fake Christmas cheer for little ones who feel the weight of a Daddy deployed. Who knew marrying a warrior would mean you had to be one? 

I pray for the faces and the hearts I know and then my mind wanders to all those I don’t. Those who are hurting tonight. My mind journeys past parents who mourn children; past children who mourn parents, or perhaps have never known any. There is so much brokenness in the world. And I see God at work everywhere; I really do. It’s just that this doesn’t look the way I thought Christmas should look.

“Lord, it’s Christmas. It seems so unfitting that there would be such a feeling of… darkness for so many.”

He whispers, “Look closer”.

The story is so familiar that my ears almost go numb at the sound of it: Mary, Joseph, a census and a journey; a stable and a baby. And somehow here in the quiet I see it. I allow myself to ponder it. 

I wonder how long she was in labor. I wonder if the smell of the animals mingling with pain and exhaustion made her nauseous. I know one thing for sure. This wasn't how she thought it would look. After an angel announced that she would give birth to the Savior I bet she felt every emotion we could think of and many we can’t. She must have felt such anticipation and excitement. Yet, I suspect there were days she felt sadness for what would never be. Her marriage just wouldn't start the way she thought it would. Her dreams and plans would have to die to this new life. And in that smelly stable she would go through childbirth and though I imagine she was overwhelmed with love and joy as she held the Messiah, surely at some point she must have looked around and said, “Lord, I just didn't think this is how it would look.”

And can I be painfully honest?

After this birth they would still have to flee to protect Jesus’ life. Herod wanted to kill Him and ordered the murder of every boy younger than 2. Children were massacred. It’s the ugly, hateful truth. Evil was there, even then. It was dark.

And hear me friends, we can’t appreciate the light until we acknowledge the dark. It is real. And we can’t grit our teeth and force joy by decorating a tree, wrapping up more than we can afford, and pretending everything is perfect. It’s so contrary to how Jesus came. We are so wrong to think we can just “simplify” or remember to “keep Christ in Christmas”. We must acknowledge the dark because that is what makes Christmas so awe-inspiring. It is the very thing that breathes joy into our soul- that there is a Light that can eradicate this darkness we feel. 

Yes, the Messiah came. But why?

He came to banish the darkness. Forever.

He came to defeat death. To abolish loneliness and heal heartache- even the deepest, most unbearable heartache. Even that heartache you are hiding. 

He would later drink down every ounce of God’s wrath toward our sin and die on a cross to absorb the punishment. And three days later He would rise in victory. And do you know where He is now? At God’s right hand, praying for YOU. 

Constantly... until you cross over and you see the fullness of that victory- where death has lost its sting and the cares of this world are no more.

Oh, sure, the story isn't finished. We wait in expectation just like Mary did- for a coming Messiah. And maybe tonight you are struggling in that wait. Maybe your heart is heavy. Maybe Christmas feels sort of dark. To you I propose that there is more reason than ever to be joyful this Christmas. When you acknowledge the darkness you can appreciate the coming of the Light.

Even my small boys know about darkness and light. If you give them a flashlight they will run into a dark closet and shut the door. Because the darkness is where we most appreciate the power of the light. 

Yes, this world brings with it lots of hurt. Its pleasures are temporary and nothing it offers ever satisfies. We long for more. We long for deeper joy. We long for a place where loved ones are never separated. But mostly, we just long for God Himself. 

For Hope. 

A Father. 

The One who can Redeem this mess. 

We need Jesus. And when we stop fighting that longing or trying to cover it up with pretty bows- we can rest in the Truth that He IS here with us. He is coming back for us. And He will eradicate this darkness. 

So if I could look into my children's future I would hope to see a lot of comfort and happiness. But at some point they are going to experience darkness of some kind. And I know at least two of them are reading this. So sweet children, I beg you to hear this, my deepest prayer is that when darkness comes you will be ok because I have taught you how to rejoice in the coming of the Light. 

"I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness." - Jesus of Nazareth 

"All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy." - Romans 8:22-25 MSG

A Parent's Purpose

I work part time in a ministry so I often get the chance to talk to people about Christ. What I have learned from this is that many people don’t know exactly what that means. Many people assume they are a Christian because they went to a Christian church when they were little, because their parents are Christians, or even because they go to church and believe in God.

I heard a powerful message at church yesterday about parenting and it had both Brian and I examining our own parenting and refocusing on our goals. If you had asked me Saturday what my greatest desire for my children would be I would have told you that it was “for them to know Jesus”.

Not anymore.

There are a couple of verses I have been thinking about. Here is one of those verses:

"On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’" - Matthew 7:22-23

So, no, my greatest goal for my children is not for my children to know Jesus. Its for Jesus to know them. That when they stand before God He will not judge them as frauds, or cultural Christians, or hypocrites; that He wouldn’t be able to say that they used Him to make themselves more important or used Him as an accessory to a life full of other “nice” things.

My greatest goal for my children is that when they get to heaven, Christ will look at them and say “that one belongs to Me. He is mine- or she is Mine”. That they will not use Him to make themselves look important, but that they will use their lives to show His importance.

So, no, sweet children, I am not overly concerned that you are unhappy with my decisions all the time. In fact, that is my first clue that I might be doing something right.

And no, darling, I don’t care that everyone else is doing it because I am accountable for being a parent to you and I am not prepared to answer for what “everyone else is doing”.

And yes, I am very proud that you learned all your verses in AWANA. But I am going to want to see you apply that to your life. I want to see you practice kindness and obey your Dad and I because I know that you can’t impress God with your works and you desperately need His grace.

And most of all, PLEASE don’t tell me that you "want to do big things for God"- because this is not about you- its about Him. Just surrender to Him every day and whatever fruit comes out of that is His and His alone.

And what would I say to myself? No, you can’t let up or give in. Being inadequate isn’t a good enough excuse because God isn’t interested in excuses- only replacements. So today, I must get out of the way and let Him do what I can’t. I don’t know how to lead children, teach children, or raise up Godly young men and women. So, my only hope is to surrender to the One who knows how and has done so time and time again.

So if you are a parent and you are tired, don’t give up, or give in, and don’t be afraid to admit you don’t have all the answers. I have looked through the Bible and it appears the only kind of person God ever used was the inadequate kind. So, being inadequate is the very thing that qualifies us to be good parents- if we surrender.

“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Never settle

“Sometimes I want to ask God why He allows poverty and suffering in the world but I am afraid He might ask me the same question.” – Anonymous

There is something about witnessing miracles when God does something in the world around you. Even greater still, is when God does something within you that others can’t even see.
Lately I can get up and look in the mirror and not really recognize the person staring back at me. A few short months ago I was in hot pursuit of “comfortable”. Brian had finally decided he was definitely getting out of the military and I can’t tell you the relief this brought. I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about his safety anymore, relieved that I wouldn’t have to raise our children alone for a year at a time, and relieved that none of us would feel the pangs of loneliness the way we had grown so accustomed to. But there was that part of me that was relieved for a very different reason. I didn’t want to move. I felt I had “served my time” and I wanted comfortable for a change. I wanted to settle down. In hindsight, I think I was walking a dangerous line where settling down was becoming the desire of my heart and would have caused me to settle for much less than God had planned.

I don’t even know when the change happened. If it is true that wherever your money is going your heart is sure to follow, then paying for the adoption might explain the growing love for Africa and these people with such deep needs. Or maybe it was when I determined to read biographies of other Christians and fill my head with something better than the television had to offer. I’m not sure. I was reading one of those books called “Ashes to Africa” (which I totally recommend) and Amy Bottomly was describing the difference between her “rated ‘R’ self” and her “rated ‘G’ self”. That was so interesting to me. Yes, no matter how transparent we are we have this side of us that others don’t see; something darker than we would want others to know about. For me that was selfishness. It was a desire that really was about wanting to take a few years to let life be about me and my family. Today things are more in order. My heart’s desire is really God’s presence; seeing Him at work and letting Him work through me. I went from not wanting to travel to Ethiopia to wondering how long I can stay and what I could possibly accomplish while I am there. I don’t think anyone could appreciate this difference but me. Only I knew the depth of my selfishness before, and only I know how my heart feels like it will burst open and hemorrhage if I can’t be among these orphans and reach them in some small way. This is the nature of Christ. We see miraculous things around us in the world all the time. But the ability to change a person’s heart… to change them at the core of their being; there is no other who can accomplish such a thing. My friends, as I type this tonight I pray for you reading this that God will steal your insecurities and your fears. I pray He will set your hearts ablaze with an all consuming fire to know Him and experience Him like never before. Gandhi is often quoted as saying “be the change you want to see in the world” but I’m asking what would happen if you determined to be the change God wants to see in the world? I am praying for revival tonight. Furthermore I am praying that you would determine to let it start inside your very own heart.