Saturday, March 30, 2013

The Waiting Room

Its been a while since I have written. Its been a while since I have posted what I have written. Its been over six months since I was faithful to blog and I am not really sure how to explain all that has happened. I scan through the things I have written as if one might fill in the holes to the story. Each time I read and reminisce and think “too raw”, “too vulnerable” or just realize its too long of a story and remember why I haven't blogged.

Its been three years since we first heard God’s call to adopt. We immediately said “yes” and began to pursue an adoption. We quickly learned that there is a season for everything, and the season you are called is not always the same season in which is comes to pass. Or should we say “ever” the season it comes to pass? We hit more than our fair share of hurdles. Maybe we just ran ahead of God and didn't count the cost. Maybe He intended to teach us a few things along the way to prepare us and grow us until we were ready. Maybe both.

So often adoption feels like a visit to the doctors office. You sit forever in the waiting room. Then eventually, when you think you just can’t take it anymore, you see some movement. Someone calls your name and leads you through a door and you are making progress. Then, they sit you in a smaller room: and everyone knows the smaller room takes longer than the big room! Adoption is often like that – with 3424 times more paperwork.

Several times we started a homestudy and each time something prevented us from finishing it. Each time it was hard on us. So when our agency called a few months ago and asked us how we were and if we were ready to pick up the adoption process again, I honestly told the coordinator that I didn't know. We still felt the call, and we still had the desire, but we weren't quite as naive as we were three years ago. We knew the sacrifice it would take. The risk, the emotional investment, and the ups and downs we would no doubt experience. Our agency was fantastic- patient and prayerful.

Yet as the days went on, we knew that we were so sure of God’s call that at this point we didn't need Him to confirm it anymore than He already had. So we began… hesitantly at first… to renew all of those homestudy documents. And you know what? There were no hurdles this time. Everything went smoothly. Each time I would think something would be difficult it wasn't.  Every appoint led to helpful people. Every time money was due God provided. Often Always at the last minute, but He did. I felt Him encouraging me to trust. 

To relax. 

To believe.

I heard a faint whisper of a verse in my ear… “blessed is she who has believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord ”. I never shared it because I was afraid something might come up and it might not work out. And honestly, I felt like it was a little presumptuous. I struggled to believe that this time would be different. And in its context, that had to do with Mary and the plan God had for her and His Son. Yet, somehow I believed God had a plan for us, too. 

I have seen God work with faith that I assure you has often been as small as a mustard seed. Our homestudy is now finished- written for an Ethiopian adoption. As soon as we got that back we sent it, along with an application, to U.S. immigration to get approval to bring a child into the U.S. We have an appointment to be fingerprinted by the FBI in a little over a week.  

Oh my. Now THAT makes everything feel real. :)

After our fingerprints we wait (hopefully only a couple of weeks) for approval. Then we will send it along with about 20 other documents (called a dossier) to our agency and then on to Ethiopia!! We will then be given a number on the waiting list, not because there are not enough children who need homes (there are an estimated 5 million), but because they can only process so many cases per day and there is a backlog. So we are making progress, yet we still have waiting ahead.

And yet.....

I’m so grateful. I am so grateful God chose to take us this route. We had to learn to listen to His voice- and only His voice. We had to learn to step out into the scary unknown based on only that small whisper. We have counted the cost and we know more about the sacrifice and somehow I think that must make our “yes” all the sweeter to His ears. I asked Brian one last time, “what if it doesn’t work out again”? He quickly replied, “if we have learned anything it is that we will be just fine- either way”. And we will. 

But blessed is she who believed. 

And I do. 

I am so glad He chose to take us down the winding path, through the ups and the downs.... through the waiting room. I am glad because He was there with us the whole time. And the journey has always been about Him anyway. 

We are so excited to see what He has in store!! 

"And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait"  - John Waller,  "While I'm Waiting"

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