Mirror, Mirror

I ask repeatedly, “is there something new you want to try” or “is there something else you would like to experience?” and she doesn’t even know what to ask for. Brian recounts the times he told people in Iraq that here we have paved roads everywhere, and big houses, and more than one car – only have them shake their heads and reply “yeah, right.” Her mind can’t wrap around my world anymore than I can wrap my mind around hers. I could give her so much more. Her dreams, though important to me, seem so extremely small in comparison to what I have to offer. And I hear God whispering about how familiar this looks.

You have not because you ask not.

She studies my face and it must be scrunched up in disapproval- probably because of the noise level coming from the 3 and 6 year olds squealing when they know to use "inside voices" in the house. But my look of disapproval is immediately interpreted as meant for her and she frantically looks around for what is making me upset or what she needs to be doing. After dinner she wipes the table clean in an obvious attempt to try and earn favor or be seen as having value. Silly girl. We wiped out our savings account- and put some dreams on hold and in God’s hands for one single goal- to show you that you do have worth; to show you that you are so much more valuable that you know. It breaks my heart when you try to earn my love or prove you have value. We already know that. It’s YOU that needs to believe it. Again He whispers softly.

Silly girl. Do you not remember that I already came for you? My one and only Son… and His blood spilled all over a cross to buy you back from the darkness?

Yes, in so many ways she is a mirror. But I wish she would stop trying so hard and just enjoy what we are trying to give her. I wish she could get to know us and then she might realize how much she could really ask for and receive. Lord, why can’t she just see that?

Why can’t you?

And its true, ya know. A little over 10 years ago something remarkable happened. I realized I needed a relationship with God. And I believed what I heard- that even though I could never be good enough and could never be perfect- that He had made a way for me to live forever in heaven with Him anyway. To be a daughter. He had made a great sacrifice and sent His only Son, His spotless, perfect, Holy Son. And He didn’t just die. He drank down every ounce of God’s wrath- the wrath that I deserved- the wrath evoked by every lie I ever told, every sin I ever committed…. Jesus drank that cup of wrath and turned it over empty. None left for me. None. 

There is no wrath left for those of us who believe. Then He gave His very life. For me. And for you. And if we would just believe then we are adopted as sons and daughters- with access to more than we could ever imagine or know to ask for.

And yet....

Sometimes I find myself working for the wrong reasons. You know- just in case He changes His mind about me. (I mean, I would if I were Him). But His promises say He never will. And it’s unfitting- a daughter behaving so much like an orphan.

But something magical is happening here. The more I realize how little I have to offer God- the more free I feel to walk in His grace. The more I want to worship. The more I want to dance and sing with joy. The more I want to tell others.

I certainly want to tell her.

And I have this crazy thought. Maybe, just maybe, this is why God designed us to function “in the body of Christ”. Maybe we were not suppose to slave away wasting precious energy hiding our weaknesses. Maybe the whole point is to walk openly and be so aware of His grace that it easily flows to others. Her weaknesses draw out my compassion and grace. And they mirror for me my own weaknesses so I can be more aware of His.

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the purest of them all?

 Jesus. No one but Jesus.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8 

“to the One who remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
and freed us from our enemies, 
His love endures forever.
and who gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven. 
His love endures forever.”   Psalm 136:23-26

A Hope That Endures

I have been meaning to come and update my blog to share the good news that Brian got a great new job. This is a praise! Soon I will share more about how God did it better than we could have planned. His ways are definitely better than ours.

Tonight I didn't come to share that news, though. Tonight I came to share some thoughts that are brewing in my mind and emotions that are brewing in my heart. This has been a hard year for my church family. I have never seen so many with cancer. There are other things we all face in life whether it be unemployment, illness, loss, or other problems. God never said there wouldn't be storms. In fact, He said we shouldn't be surprised by it.

This week 3 people I love are having major surgery. One is a baby, and 2 women who light up every room they ever enter will have cancer surgery. After you see such amazing people enduring something like this it begs the question "why"? I feel like the Bible makes it really clear what we should do in those moments when we have those questions and I will share my thoughts on that next time. But for tonight, I just want to offer one tiny piece of that beautiful puzzle because those of you who are walking it should know.

I am convinced God allows it, at least in part, because we see Jesus in your skin. He works in you, but He also works through you. When we suffer and we still hope it confounds people. Why doesn't it crush the Christian the way it does others? Because our Hope is not an ideal or a feeling. Hope is not just some sweet thought or a word we plaster on everything from coffee mugs to wall decor.

Our Hope is a Person, and He never changes.

Once we know Him you can't take Him from us. Hope in our hearts is not always as cute as it appears on coffee mugs. Sometimes it just the raw desire to defiantly cling to God when we don't know where He is taking us- but we know HIM enough to know it is going to be worth it in the end. Sometimes our hope shows in defiant tears that shout "I don't care what you throw at me- HE is mine and you can't ever change that. He loves me, and no circumstance can take what I have in Him". Hope often shines brightest in pain. Why is that? I think it is because His power is PERFECT in our weakness.

So please know, and I think you know who you are- those of you who have suffered and waited patiently for the clouds to move and let some sunshine fall on your weary faces- know that you never looked more like Jesus. You show the lost something they may have never seen before. And you make me want to be brave. You remind me to keep putting one foot in front of the other even when the narrow path looks a little too steep and rocky and quitting seems easier.

When my fickle heart only sees the storm and water and I desperately want back in the boat- my eyes catch yours and your sweet face reminds me to put my eyes back on Jesus and take that next step out into the deeper waters. You are living "Ebenezer stones" (1 Samuel 7:12) reminding the world and other believers that the Lord is powerful, and "thus far, He has helped us".

So shine on, my sweet friends. Keep giving Him the glory and when your arms get tired we will hold them up. I'm humble by the saints around me. I'm so grateful for you and so overwhelmingly privileged by the honor of lifting you up to the One who is our Life, our Abba Father, and always a Hope that remains unchanged.

"Our Hope endures the worst of conditions.
Its more than our optimism, so let the earth quake,
our Hope is unchanged" - Natalie Grant

"So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary." Hebrews 6:18-19 (emphasis mine)