The Most Radical Kind of Obedience

Yesterday I met with a friend who happens to be Russian and for the first time I was able to really communicate with Vika. It gave me a lot of insight and it was helpful in the most unexpected ways, too. It really confirmed what I felt like God was asking of us- and what He wasn’t. Brian and I are crystal clear and on the same page about it and for that I am thankful. But we should have know that- He already said "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21). Remind me never to doubt Him. 

We have learned so much more in the past 9 days than we usually learn over several months time. And it’s not at all what we thought we would be learning. It’s a very different thing to love and invest in a teenager- especially one who has years of living as an orphan behind her. It often doesn’t come naturally and it takes lots of understanding and effort to see things through her eyes. Just for one example, she doesn’t recognize that we are a family unit. As Brian said, she just sees us as people who all live in a house. She is very vocal about the fact that she loves Mama, Papa, Kayla, and Gavin. Because when you have not known what “family” really means everyone is an individual. For the most part Aiden is oblivious to the fact that she merely tolerates him because he is young and doesn’t know any better. Isabella, on the other hand, feels every bit of it and wears it on her face. So Sunday after church everyone ate lunch and then Isabella and I went out for some much needed “Mommy-daughter” time. We bought groceries – because lets be real- Mama doesn’t actually have any free time- but first we talked over ice cream. I reassured her of her oh-so-secure place in this family and we got to talk about why we wanted Vika to come in the first place and what it means to love like Christ loves. She is my most sensitive child and yet so eager to try and love like Christ in the face of rejection. And I think she is doing a pretty fantastic job of it to only be 10. Actually, I think she is doing a pretty fantastic job- period.

Vika is a sweet, precious girl but there is so much she still has to learn about love and family. God has put her in our home for seven weeks and that means we have been given some big challenges and also an awesome opportunity. I don’t believe God ever does anything without some eternal value, and I think we are beyond blessed to get a part in that.

The thing that has helped most has been seeing other people come to stand beside us and help. God has been faithful every step of the way. 

Every.single.step. 

And the majority of the time that happens through other people. A couple of friends gave us clothes their girls’ had outgrown- which fit just right and relieved what would have been a big financial burden on us if we had to purchase all those things. We had purchased a few things already and just a few things adds up fast. Of course, we should have already known He would take care of that, too because in Matthew 6 He said “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:28-33). Yeah- that is me- the "you of little faith" part. Remind me to trust Him. 

Another friend sat down to translate so we could communicate, helped us get tons of Christian music in her language, and even the Bible on audio so she can understand it. She let us borrow good movies and helped us find a place to get good books (that I never would have found by myself). Another friend offered up her place if we want to take Vika away for a couple of days to experience her first ever “family vacation” while she is here. Saturday my mom brought crafts to keep all the kids entertained while we sat and talked and stuffed our faces with chips. Others have prayed and sent notes of encouragement at JUST the right moment. This weekend I had an hour to sit with sweet “sisters” and pray together and talk about joys and struggles—and that my friends, is priceless. Sometimes even to be able to listen to someone else’s honesty about their own struggles reminds us it’s ok if it’s hard sometimes.

And the most amazing thing is- that with each of these people it appears as if they are really convinced these are small things. It is as if they don’t know that is just what we needed that day to be reminded that we are not in this alone. To remind us what we are doing here and to remind us that we are just one part of the body of Christ- because let’s be honest- we couldn’t handle the responsibility of being more than one small part. There are things we want to invest that we simply couldn’t do by ourselves. And there are days we feel our own frailty and shortcomings. When the demands start before the coffee does- a little encouragement goes a long way.

And the lesson is this: that we are ALL called. And “called” doesn’t mean what you think. Some of you will be called to go to foreign lands and share Christ with those who have never heard the Gospel. Most of you probably won’t. But you are still called. If you belong to Christ He has a purpose for you in every day. Only He knows what that looks like. Learn to cling tight and listen for His instructions. But don’t miss them because they sound insignificant or don’t make sense to you. 

Somewhere along the way we bought into the lie that we only serve God when it looks “big”- when it involves great sacrifice. And yes, Jesus may very well ask us to sell everything and give it to the poor- that’s Biblical, folks. Sorry! 

But He could just as easily ask you to send a friend a note of encouragement. Or He may tell you who needs those clothes you just cleaned out of your kid’s closet. It may be feeding your friend a fruit smoothy and giving her an hour to talk – or even- to NOT talk. It could be a meal, a note, a call, an invitation. It could be taking cookies to that neighbor you wouldn’t recognize if they were standing next to you in the grocery store line. I mean, seriously- our neighbors- they have souls.

And then there are the orphans. And we are suppose to care for them. I have seen estimates that there are anywhere from 143 million to 160 million orphans in the world. No one will serve them all. But we can all serve. Some will adopt, some will host or foster, some will donate money or time. Others will pick up the phone and call a friend who is doing one of those things and ask “do you need anything”?

Because here is the thing- it all matters. And if you want to love there is a good chance that the person standing right in front of you needs it. God has given you exactly what you need to fulfill your call. It won’t be comfortable but it won’t be impossible. And it WILL be rewarding.

So what is it He is prompting you to do today? We will never know unless we take the time to sit and listen- and the answer might just surprise us.

Because it all matters. And the most radical kind of obedience is not the “biggest” or most showy.

 It’s the kind that shows up everyday. 

Mirror, Mirror

I ask repeatedly, “is there something new you want to try” or “is there something else you would like to experience?” and she doesn’t even know what to ask for. Brian recounts the times he told people in Iraq that here we have paved roads everywhere, and big houses, and more than one car – only have them shake their heads and reply “yeah, right.” Her mind can’t wrap around my world anymore than I can wrap my mind around hers. I could give her so much more. Her dreams, though important to me, seem so extremely small in comparison to what I have to offer. And I hear God whispering about how familiar this looks.

You have not because you ask not.

She studies my face and it must be scrunched up in disapproval- probably because of the noise level coming from the 3 and 6 year olds squealing when they know to use "inside voices" in the house. But my look of disapproval is immediately interpreted as meant for her and she frantically looks around for what is making me upset or what she needs to be doing. After dinner she wipes the table clean in an obvious attempt to try and earn favor or be seen as having value. Silly girl. We wiped out our savings account- and put some dreams on hold and in God’s hands for one single goal- to show you that you do have worth; to show you that you are so much more valuable that you know. It breaks my heart when you try to earn my love or prove you have value. We already know that. It’s YOU that needs to believe it. Again He whispers softly.

Silly girl. Do you not remember that I already came for you? My one and only Son… and His blood spilled all over a cross to buy you back from the darkness?

Yes, in so many ways she is a mirror. But I wish she would stop trying so hard and just enjoy what we are trying to give her. I wish she could get to know us and then she might realize how much she could really ask for and receive. Lord, why can’t she just see that?

Why can’t you?

And its true, ya know. A little over 10 years ago something remarkable happened. I realized I needed a relationship with God. And I believed what I heard- that even though I could never be good enough and could never be perfect- that He had made a way for me to live forever in heaven with Him anyway. To be a daughter. He had made a great sacrifice and sent His only Son, His spotless, perfect, Holy Son. And He didn’t just die. He drank down every ounce of God’s wrath- the wrath that I deserved- the wrath evoked by every lie I ever told, every sin I ever committed…. Jesus drank that cup of wrath and turned it over empty. None left for me. None. 

There is no wrath left for those of us who believe. Then He gave His very life. For me. And for you. And if we would just believe then we are adopted as sons and daughters- with access to more than we could ever imagine or know to ask for.

And yet....

Sometimes I find myself working for the wrong reasons. You know- just in case He changes His mind about me. (I mean, I would if I were Him). But His promises say He never will. And it’s unfitting- a daughter behaving so much like an orphan.

But something magical is happening here. The more I realize how little I have to offer God- the more free I feel to walk in His grace. The more I want to worship. The more I want to dance and sing with joy. The more I want to tell others.

I certainly want to tell her.

And I have this crazy thought. Maybe, just maybe, this is why God designed us to function “in the body of Christ”. Maybe we were not suppose to slave away wasting precious energy hiding our weaknesses. Maybe the whole point is to walk openly and be so aware of His grace that it easily flows to others. Her weaknesses draw out my compassion and grace. And they mirror for me my own weaknesses so I can be more aware of His.

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the purest of them all?

 Jesus. No one but Jesus.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8 

“to the One who remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
and freed us from our enemies, 
His love endures forever.
and who gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven. 
His love endures forever.”   Psalm 136:23-26

A Hope That Endures

I have been meaning to come and update my blog to share the good news that Brian got a great new job. This is a praise! Soon I will share more about how God did it better than we could have planned. His ways are definitely better than ours.

Tonight I didn't come to share that news, though. Tonight I came to share some thoughts that are brewing in my mind and emotions that are brewing in my heart. This has been a hard year for my church family. I have never seen so many with cancer. There are other things we all face in life whether it be unemployment, illness, loss, or other problems. God never said there wouldn't be storms. In fact, He said we shouldn't be surprised by it.

This week 3 people I love are having major surgery. One is a baby, and 2 women who light up every room they ever enter will have cancer surgery. After you see such amazing people enduring something like this it begs the question "why"? I feel like the Bible makes it really clear what we should do in those moments when we have those questions and I will share my thoughts on that next time. But for tonight, I just want to offer one tiny piece of that beautiful puzzle because those of you who are walking it should know.

I am convinced God allows it, at least in part, because we see Jesus in your skin. He works in you, but He also works through you. When we suffer and we still hope it confounds people. Why doesn't it crush the Christian the way it does others? Because our Hope is not an ideal or a feeling. Hope is not just some sweet thought or a word we plaster on everything from coffee mugs to wall decor.

Our Hope is a Person, and He never changes.

Once we know Him you can't take Him from us. Hope in our hearts is not always as cute as it appears on coffee mugs. Sometimes it just the raw desire to defiantly cling to God when we don't know where He is taking us- but we know HIM enough to know it is going to be worth it in the end. Sometimes our hope shows in defiant tears that shout "I don't care what you throw at me- HE is mine and you can't ever change that. He loves me, and no circumstance can take what I have in Him". Hope often shines brightest in pain. Why is that? I think it is because His power is PERFECT in our weakness.

So please know, and I think you know who you are- those of you who have suffered and waited patiently for the clouds to move and let some sunshine fall on your weary faces- know that you never looked more like Jesus. You show the lost something they may have never seen before. And you make me want to be brave. You remind me to keep putting one foot in front of the other even when the narrow path looks a little too steep and rocky and quitting seems easier.

When my fickle heart only sees the storm and water and I desperately want back in the boat- my eyes catch yours and your sweet face reminds me to put my eyes back on Jesus and take that next step out into the deeper waters. You are living "Ebenezer stones" (1 Samuel 7:12) reminding the world and other believers that the Lord is powerful, and "thus far, He has helped us".

So shine on, my sweet friends. Keep giving Him the glory and when your arms get tired we will hold them up. I'm humble by the saints around me. I'm so grateful for you and so overwhelmingly privileged by the honor of lifting you up to the One who is our Life, our Abba Father, and always a Hope that remains unchanged.

"Our Hope endures the worst of conditions.
Its more than our optimism, so let the earth quake,
our Hope is unchanged" - Natalie Grant

"So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary." Hebrews 6:18-19 (emphasis mine)

To live as an image bearer

I am not a big fan of New Year's Resolutions. This is mostly because I am not a fan of diets, eating healthy, or exercise. Judge if you must. I do have goals. As we enter this new year one of those goals overwhelmingly rises to the top. In 2011 I wish to be poured out like a drink offering to the Lord. Sure, its a lofty goal for a girl like myself. I am plagued by busyness, selfishness, sometimes laziness (although, I think four kids was a good start to curing that last one). The point of the matter is we all battle that "flesh"-- that part of us that wants the world to be about us. We are born with it. Believe me, I have a two-year old. I know.

To help save for the adoption we got rid of cable and got Netflix (only $10 a month). Unfortunately Gavin misunderstood what was meant by "movies on demand". In this house, demanding to watch Diego doesn't fly! As often as I roll my eyes at him, I also wonder if I am looking at what God sees in me. It makes me cringe to thing of it. How often does the same God who tells the sun when to rise and set hear us, mere creatures of his creation, look at Him and say "ummmm, NO." Wow, and I thought Gavin had some nerve.

I posted a short video below that I found to be a great reminder to us all. We are image bearers. And if we are image bearers of Christ then this should be true everywhere we go. So my goal this year is to pursue God with a passion that grows more intense as the months pass. In the end I want to be able to say I poured my life out like a drink offering for the Lord. And I think that starts by living like an image bearer. We need to stop demanding things from a Holy God and get acquainted with the Person whose image we bear.

"Image Bearers" - Matt Chandler

God Rules and Overrules

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD. – Isaiah 55:8


This is difficult to write. Sometimes we set our fears down and decide we are going to follow wherever God leads. We listen, we pray, and we set out in the direction we think he has called us. And sometimes, we get it wrong.

When we first started the adoption process we were open to adopting any child. Our only stipulation was that we wanted to adopt a child that would not have a family otherwise. We narrowed down the options and prayed. You have heard the story- we decided God was calling us to adopt from Ethiopia. We were working with Lifeline (who has been AMAZING) but had to find another agency who had an Ethiopia program. We had concerns about that agency so we searched for another one and found one that seemed to be recommended by several people. It didn’t take long to see that in our experience there were some things that gave us caution about proceeding with them. To say this was frustrating is an understatement. I was frustrated. I was weepy and I hate being weepy. Our home study has been rolling right along and we are ready to move forward with the rest of the paperwork and make progress with our dossier. Brian and I decided to take a few days off and just pray about things and whether we should just keep looking for an agency we felt comfortable with. Finally, Brian came to me and said that maybe this wasn’t about agencies after all and God was really closing the door to Ethiopia. My heart sank. Could he be right?

When you choose a country you begin to research and learn everything about that place and those people. Suddenly there are a few characteristics you know your child will have and you begin to piece together this vague idea of what your child might look like and who they might be. You begin to daydream about this child. You long for this child. And suddenly you are faced with the question, “what if that isn’t God’s plan”? You find you have two choices. Either you can push for what you feel you want or you can stop and wait for God’s direction and be thankful that He knows things that you don’t.

We still believe we should move forward with the adoption. We have an amazing agency that we completely trust and they work all over the world to help orphans. So we thought it was worth taking some time to pray and make sure we aren’t running ahead of God by looking for another road when there is one right under our nose. We are praying. We are saving. I wish I could say I always know where God is leading and I always have clear directions. But I promised honesty and transparency folks. The truth is I get frustrated and I get confused. I get really impatient. I don't mind waiting on the process as much as I do knowing they are waiting on us to make a decision. The only thing I can say for sure is that where ever God is leading- it’s good. Road blocks are for our good. So I will thank Him when He opens doors for us, and I will thank Him when He closes the wrong ones. Is the door to Ethiopia closed? I don’t know. There are lots of really good agencies out there and we could find one. Maybe this is all just about His timing. But we aren’t searching for just any child. We are searching for the one He set apart to be a Kessler. My "mother's heart" feels like a piece of it is missing. Yet, He is Holy. So we are waiting with bated breath for Him to reveal what it is He has known all along.

“All eyes are on You, Lord. All eyes are on You.”