Friday, July 6, 2012

Mirror, Mirror

I ask repeatedly, “is there something new you want to try” or “is there something else you would like to experience?” and she doesn’t even know what to ask for. Brian recounts the times he told people in Iraq that here we have paved roads everywhere, and big houses, and more than one car – only have them shake their heads and reply “yeah, right.” Her mind can’t wrap around my world anymore than I can wrap my mind around hers. I could give her so much more. Her dreams, though important to me, seem so extremely small in comparison to what I have to offer. And I hear God whispering about how familiar this looks.

You have not because you ask not.

She studies my face and it must be scrunched up in disapproval- probably because of the noise level coming from the 3 and 6 year olds squealing when they know to use "inside voices" in the house. But my look of disapproval is immediately interpreted as meant for her and she frantically looks around for what is making me upset or what she needs to be doing. After dinner she wipes the table clean in an obvious attempt to try and earn favor or be seen as having value. Silly girl. We wiped out our savings account- and put some dreams on hold and in God’s hands for one single goal- to show you that you do have worth; to show you that you are so much more valuable that you know. It breaks my heart when you try to earn my love or prove you have value. We already know that. It’s YOU that needs to believe it. Again He whispers softly.

Silly girl. Do you not remember that I already came for you? My one and only Son… and His blood spilled all over a cross to buy you back from the darkness?

Yes, in so many ways she is a mirror. But I wish she would stop trying so hard and just enjoy what we are trying to give her. I wish she could get to know us and then she might realize how much she could really ask for and receive. Lord, why can’t she just see that?

Why can’t you?

And its true, ya know. A little over 10 years ago something remarkable happened. I realized I needed a relationship with God. And I believed what I heard- that even though I could never be good enough and could never be perfect- that He had made a way for me to live forever in heaven with Him anyway. To be a daughter. He had made a great sacrifice and sent His only Son, His spotless, perfect, Holy Son. And He didn’t just die. He drank down every ounce of God’s wrath- the wrath that I deserved- the wrath evoked by every lie I ever told, every sin I ever committed…. Jesus drank that cup of wrath and turned it over empty. None left for me. None

There is no wrath left for those of us who believe. Then He gave His very life. For me. And for you. And if we would just believe then we are adopted as sons and daughters- with access to more than we could ever imagine or know to ask for.

And yet....

Sometimes I find myself working for the wrong reasons. You know- just in case He changes His mind about me. (I mean, I would if I were Him). But His promises say He never will. And it’s unfitting- a daughter behaving so much like an orphan.

But something magical is happening here. The more I realize how little I have to offer God- the more free I feel to walk in His grace. The more I want to worship. The more I want to dance and sing with joy. The more I want to tell others.

I certainly want to tell her.

And I have this crazy thought. Maybe, just maybe, this is why God designed us to function “in the body of Christ”. Maybe we were not suppose to slave away wasting precious energy hiding our weaknesses. Maybe the whole point is to walk openly and be so aware of His grace that it easily flows to others. Her weaknesses draw out my compassion and grace. And they mirror for me my own weaknesses so I can be more aware of His.

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the purest of them all?

 Jesus. No one but Jesus.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8 

“to the One who remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
and freed us from our enemies, 
His love endures forever.
and who gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven. 
His love endures forever.”   Psalm 136:23-26

No comments:

Post a Comment